All this week, I've had off. I went camping with my folks. I've learned to never go camping with my father again. He is just not a camper and going camping with a non-camper is painful.
Despite that, the views where stunning. The night sky looking like a planetarium. The world silhouetted in black with the only color the blue and white of the lake, with the orange glow of sunset on the horizon. Breathtaking. The stars fading above you as the sun rises. Feeling free, in the wind, as I swing on a playground - like riding a bike, you never forget how to swing. Watching dozens of lizards run away as I hike up an granite rock, to view a canyon below, as the sun beats down on me. Sitting in a camp chair, watching the flames of an open camp fire flick upwards towards the sky. Hiking an unknown path before sunrise by flashlight.
God, I wish so much that I had someone, anyone, to share those moments with. My parents just can't do it anymore. And, my friends, no matter how wonderful, are just not into hiking and camping like I am. My father says he knows why all the guys run away from me now - "they can't keep up with me and I tire them out". I may be a fat girl, but I have a ton of energy with a twist of adventuresome spirit. I just want to find someone to share all these wonderful memories and moments that I know exist in this world, just waiting for people to be brave enough to reach out and grab them.
G isn't going to pop back into my life. If he was, it would have been this weekend that he contacted me, and he didn't. I guess he really didn't like me at all. Why do guy do that to me, why do they lie? How can you go on more than 3 dates with someone and not give a shit about them? I really really really liked G but it doesn't matter cause he... he probably will never think about me again. Time to let go and move on, just like I do every other time. I know forever and happy ever after exists. I've seen it with all my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles.
You can't control the heart. I'm not going to beat myself up over the fact that I liked G so much. It just was how I felt. Just like he just didn't feel the same about me. I want to focus right now on trying to lose those last 35 pounds I need to lose, and then I can focus more on dating. With the weight off, I'll have more options romantically and I'll stand a better chance of finding someone who likes me and who I'll like too.
Hang in there girl, and go get 'em! You're a wonderful person. And someone would be lucky to have you by their side. Just keep your heart whole, your eyes open, and your head held high. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Maybe this will be the day that your dreams start to come true.
I think I'll go hiking in Eisenhower Park tomorrow morning!
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