Trouble With Weight Loss - Losing It For Myself Now

I had this same problem a year ago, when I was 175.  No matter what, I couldn't get past the 175ish mark.  I started gaining and I couldn't tell why.  Now, the same thing is happening again.  I can't get past the 165ish mark.  I got down just past 163 and then shot up 8 pounds in a week (don't ask my how I gained 8 pounds when I was eatting just like normal but hiking all day long each day).  The next week I lost a pound a day until I got back to 165.  I can't seem to get past that mark.

Up to this point, all the past 4 years (almost 5 now) have been to lose weight to get a man.  That and that alone.  Based on the last online dating message, it made me realize that no matter how much weight I lose or how hard I try - it is never going to be good enough.  If I lose another 35 pounds are the guys going to magically like me at 130?  At 165 the amount of attentions I'm getting is barely higher than what I got at 260.   So, I really don't think so.

I think my singleness isn't based on my weight so much as the fact that I'm never going to be good enough for a guy that *I want*.

I'm a fucking awesome woman.  I'm not for everyone.  Some men like crazy stupid fucked up sluts.  But if you are not one of those men, I'm your marriage material wet dream.  I'm easy going and fun.  I tell you what I want and what I'm thinking rather then saying "you should know."  I'm not a purse chaser.  I'm high maintenance enough to look good for you but low maintenance enough that your quality of life won't be effected by my high maintenance.  I'm loyal and would never cheat.  I'm considerate.  I would treat you like a king.  I love sex and would fuck you however, whenever, and as much as you would like.  I'm not bat ass crazy.  I'm educated and smart.  I have  a fucking good job.  I'm not a slut.  I don't have a baby, baby daddy, ex, or STD drama.  I haven't slept with a small town.  I don't smoke and don't do drugs.  I don't have a record.  I'm not in debt - I actually have a savings.  I have moral, I'm honest, and I live with a level of integrity that is foreign to most people.  I don't play games. I'm considerate of you and not everything is about me me me.  In short, I'm perfect...

Except...

I'm fat and ugly...

And you know what...

I don't fucking care anymore...

Guys can't kept there hot ass stupid hoes who they will end up divorcing 5 years later...

I'm losing weight for myself now...

So that 20 years from now when you hate your 260 fat as bitch of a wife, you can drool over my 50 year old self that looks like a 130 pound 30 year old hot piece of ass.

If I'm not good enough for you at 165, you're not good enough for me at 130.