...Some nights, I just feel like crying. In my defense, I think I'm going to start my period so I'm a little more emotional than normal.
But, I just don't understand what is so terrible about me that no one wants me. I mean, wants me more than just a fuck buddy that they play with in the night but hide away in the day light hours like some hideous embarrassing mistake.
Why can't someone, anyone, want me as a companion, a friend, a lover, and a partner? I'd make a slight better one than some. I can be helpful and supportive. It hurts that no one sees me as girlfriend/wifey material. It hurts that the best I can get is to be some guy's pussy toy. It hurts the most that, even though guys see no value in me, they are still willing to treat me like a cheap whore rather than leave me, at least, that much dignity.
But, that is better than I got before. So, I'm moving on up in the world! Maybe when I lose the last 25 pounds, I'll finally start being taken seriously by guys. And then someone will come along and see my real inner beauty and that I'm a wonderful soul. =)))))) It makes me smile just thinking about the idea that someday, someone might actual see the value and beauty in myself that I've known I've had all along. *GRINS*
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