Back from Camping - Vacation Almost Over

All this week, I've had off.  I went camping with my folks.  I've learned to never go camping with my father again.  He is just not a camper and going camping with a non-camper is painful.

Despite that, the views where stunning.  The night sky looking like a planetarium.  The world silhouetted in black with the only color the blue and white of the lake, with the orange glow of sunset on the horizon.  Breathtaking.  The stars fading above you as the sun rises.  Feeling free, in the wind, as I swing on a playground - like riding a bike, you never forget how to swing.  Watching dozens of lizards run away as I hike up an granite rock, to view a canyon below, as the sun beats down on me.  Sitting in a camp chair, watching the flames of an open camp fire flick upwards towards the sky.  Hiking an unknown path before sunrise by flashlight.

God, I wish so much that I had someone, anyone, to share those moments with.  My parents just can't do it anymore.  And, my friends, no matter how wonderful, are just not into hiking and camping like I am.  My father says he knows why all the guys run away from me now - "they can't keep up with me and I tire them out".  I may be a fat girl, but I have a ton of energy with a twist of adventuresome spirit.  I just want to find someone to share all these wonderful memories and moments that I know exist in this world, just waiting for people to be brave enough to reach out and grab them.

G isn't going to pop back into my life.  If he was, it would have been this weekend that he contacted me, and he didn't.  I guess he really didn't like me at all.  Why do guy do that to me, why do they lie?  How can you go on more than 3 dates with someone and not give a shit about them?  I really really really liked G but it doesn't matter cause he... he probably will never think about me again.  Time to let go and move on, just like I do every other time.  I know forever and happy ever after exists.  I've seen it with all my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles.

You can't control the heart.  I'm not going to beat myself up over the fact that I liked G so much.  It just was how I felt.  Just like he just didn't feel the same about me.  I want to focus right now on trying to lose those last 35 pounds I need to lose, and then I can focus more on dating.  With the weight off, I'll have more options romantically and I'll stand a better chance of finding someone who likes me and who I'll like too.   

Hang in there girl, and go get 'em!  You're a wonderful person.  And someone would be lucky to have you by their side.  Just keep your heart whole, your eyes open, and your head held high.  You never know what tomorrow will bring.  Maybe this will be the day that your dreams start to come true.

I think I'll go hiking in Eisenhower Park tomorrow morning!   

    

One is the loneliest number

I'm lonely.  I wish I had someone at my side.  I miss G.  Damn, I really liked him a lot.  I really hoped he was going to reach out to me again, if for nothing else but to really explain why he just vanished. 

Maybe in another 8 months someone else will come along that I like half as much as I liked G and maybe they will stick around twice at long. =) 

I'm off to play from DDR and try to get some exercise/activity in.

A Good Life

I spent Labor Day with my parent's and brother.  I spend some time alone with both my Father and Mother and both of them started telling me about a family friend of ours. 

He isn't much older than I, single, never married, no kids.  He is a handyman.  Good looking guy.  He works from sun-up until after11 at night.  He doesn't have insurance and makes about $1000 a month for all his hard work.  He was diagnosed with cancer recently.  They did surgery and thought they had gotten it all.  Further tests showed they did not.  He has full blow cancer on vital organs like his liver.  The cancer is most likely terminal.  He has to become a ward of the state, otherwise there is no way to pay for all of this.  And, his upcoming surgery is going to keep him from working for a long time.  No heavy lifting.  So, he won't be able to make the little money he does.  His parent's will most likely be helping him out while he recovers.

However, his Mom isn't doing too well herself.  I know they just moved out of their current home because the guy they are renting from jacked up the rent.  I'm not sure where they are living.  I think with their other son.  The Mom just had surgery on done of her foot.  The other foot is going to have surgery on it, in the near future.  And, she is also going in for heart surgery soon.   On top of all that, I do recall the sister, going in for some major surgery less than a year ago.

 And it made me think.  Bad stuff like that hasn't happened to me.  I see people all the time suffering through hardships like these.  Lack of money, can't find work, health issues.  I've suffered some of those things, but never as much as all this.  All in all, I have a pretty damn good life.

I'm healthy, I have my apartment, food, and a good job.  I have insurance, all types.  I have money in the bank.  If something bad happens, I have a nice stash to take care of it. 

They only think I don't have is the one thing I want more than anything in this world.  The thing I'd give anything to have.  Love and a family of my own.

I'm not exactly sure why no man wants to be with me.  I'm in a good place in life.  I don't have drama and I'm stable.  I would only serve to enhance his quality of life, not worsen it.

And... I found a pink camo camping chair and fly swatter.  Always seem to be ahead of the game with my stylish fashions, don't I.  Anyways, I had to purchase those to add to my camping collection!

Sunday Lineup

Hertiage Duck Pond - Lots of duckies
Hertiage Neighborhood Pool - Don't know how this got on the park listing
City Park - Apparently an unnamed baseball/soccer field for the kiddies.

Ended up going back to Buddy Calk Park.

Tomorrow... hmm, I think I'll try...

Westwood Village
MeadowCliff
Lackland Terrace
Tom Slick Park

Or some of them.