Hog Wilds Baking

I like baking and when I'm depressed, I like to do two things.  Cleaning and Baking.  It makes me feel like I'm making progress, doing something productive, and keeps my mind off my woes.

But, I think I over did it a little for the holidays.  I baked Molasses and Peanut Butter cookies, red rice crispy treats, pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie, lemon meringue pie, chocolate pie, mint brownies, and a strawberry pink camo hello kitty birthday cake with cream cheese frosting for myself.

And I'll continue baking until I start to feel better.  Next on my list is home make from scratch cinnamon rolls.  That has been on my bucket list for a long time.  The good news is, I'm not eating all the sweets.  My heart just isn't into it.  But the people at work are going to love me with all the stuff I start bringing into the office.

On an interesting side note, I was disappointed to see the world didn't end yesterday.

Why I Dislike the Holidays

I have a love hate relationship with the holidays.  I could never quite put my finger on why I hate them so much.  One is probably because guys always break up with me around this time of year.  But mostly, it's because I'm a "go go go" person and the world just stops during this time of year.  I can't wait for it to be over, for it to be the new year, so I can start doing the things I want to get done.   When everything is closed or on vacation, you have to wait until they are back.

Life Update

I'm mad at myself.  When I was a little girl, I swore I would never be that girl.  I swore I would never be that girl who clung to an abusive man.  The mind is strong but the body is weak.  It is amazing what a starving person will drink.  I'm so starved for affections, touch, and the need to be wanted that  I'm willing to drink piss just to get a split second of it.

G treated me like a whore and was a complete and total ass to me.  Not once, in the whole time we saw each other, did he do a single nice thing for me.  I don't know why he contacted me a second time.  He said he wasn't attracted to me and kept harping on bad things about me and things he wanted to change.  I didn't sleep with him, and I'm glad.

Yesterday, I finally put my foot down.  I said hit the road.  I don't want to see you or hear from you again.  Well, that is after he told me that he urged me to not see him anymore.  Really?  You are that cowardly you can't even tell a girl face to face you don't like her and don't want to see her?

Need a remember everyone, HE contacted me - twice - asking to be fuck buddies.  What the hell?  And for someone not attracted to me, without touching him, just being in his presences and him looking at me (fully clothed), he sure manged to pitch a tent pretty quickly.

But that is that.  I am no longer going to think about or talk about G anymore.  I am moving on.