I'm a Texan, born and raised, through and through. After 34 years in Texas, no matter where I end up, I will always be a Texan. I'm not only a Texan, but I'm a Texan from a part of the state that doesn't get snow. On the few occasions it gets cold, and there is a slight possibility for ice, the city *will* shut down. So why am I mentioning this? Because my long distance boyfriend is from Minnesota.
When I first met my boyfriend, it was clear from the start that he loves where he lives and is too close to his family to ever consider moving. I, on the other hand, have spent my entire adult life working like mad to stay autonomous in order to be able to pick up an move at a moments notice if I ever find my husband, where ever and whenever that may be. So, it was no question that if anything ever came of us, I'd be moving to Minnesota rather then him moving to Texas.
The first go around of dating him, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I'd need to do to move up. I was willing to go the distance. Then he broke it off. 4 years later, amazingly, we are back together. This time, I'm once again willing to go the distance, but I'm looking and seeing a lot more of the minutia than I did before. We are taking things slowly. For me, about ever 6 weeks I come up to visit for a period of time. It's both for us to learn about each other, bond, see how we like and get along, but also so I can acclimate and learn about what I'm signing up for.
I have to say, right now, I'm feeling so lost. This Texan girl is quickly learning there is so much she doesn't know and I have never been one for not being in the know. I'm learning things that my boyfriend, his family, and friend take for granted because they just grew up with it.
So, I figured I'd chronicle some of the unexpected things I'm learning about Minnesota that is different than my Texas.
1) It's country baby - Even though Texas is country, we have tons of big cities. Minnesota has the cities and everything else is a small town - regardless of what they think. PS: It is not the Twin Cities or Minneapolis and St. Paul - it is "the cities".
2) It's pretty - I'm a nature lover, but even if you are not, you can appreciate that Minnesota is a beautiful state.
3)It's hazy - The first time I visited in the fall, I couldn't understand why, even on a clear sunny day, I could see fog in the distance. I figured the day was just foggy, but then it happened again and again and never burned up. I finally asked my boyfriend about it. Since the water is warmer than the air, and there is so much water in Minnesota, you get a fairly constant hazy around everything. I'm slowly getting use to it, but it was a big shock coming form clear and sunny Texas.
3)It gets light later and dark earlier. Since we are both central time, I was shocked when I first learned that it got dark almost 2 hours earlier than back home and lighter about an hour later. As I love my sunshine, this will take some adjusting too.
4)It's very white - outside of the cities, you don't see a lot of people who are not white. Not only that, but it is very common to be blondes, blue eyes, and tallish. As someone who is brown haired, green eyed, and only 5 feet. I definitely feel like I stick out like a soar thumb.
5)You plow your drive way like you walk your dog. It's just another chore that has to been done.
6)They have basements and split level houses.
7)Hunting and Ice Fishing are very common. In fact, I'm noticing that many of the people from Minnesota country side are very similar.
8)Pop is soda. Hotdish is a casserole.
9) If you see a tornado of snow, it is a snow blower. A snow blower is not like a leaf blower.
10) You have to plow the snow around your mailbox or the mailman will not delivery you mail.
11) If you shovel or plow your snow, you have to push it back further than you need to otherwise, as the winter continues, you will lose driveway space.
12) The roads don't get nearly as clear of snow, for driving, as you would expect. So, when it snows, you will be driving on the snow.
Friday, December 06, 2013
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Where Have I Been - 2013
It's been about 6 months since I have last posted. To be truthful, these last 6 months have not gone as I planned at all. I have been terribly stressed to the point of suffering from Burn Out. Why? Well, let me share. In a nutshell:
A)Moving. I took a look at my finances and my prospect for a pay increase (almost zero) versus my current cost of living. I was a little sadden to see, despite having a good job, I needed to downgrade my quality of life. I live fairly cheaply. I don't spend a lot on a phone, I don't have cable, and I don't spend a lot of money on "toys" or eating out. My biggest expense is my apartment and I just couldn't afford to continue paying the amount I was with the increases in my taxes and health insurance with no pay raise to offset it. So, I decided I needed to move to a cheaper apartment when my lease was up this December. I spent a lot of time looking for apartments and if I wanted to stay somewhat in my current location, my options where pretty bad. Pretty much ghetto section 8 housing. Not that I minded too much, it was just a pretty big downgrade for me.
However, after talking to my parent's, they offered another solution. Moving into my Grandmother's house. My grandmother requires 24/7 care and so is living with my parents. She still has her house, which she doesn't want to get rid of yet. So, it seemed an ideal solution that I move in to maintain it and, in turn, I only had to pay the upkeep of the house - no rent. So my monthly cost will decrease about 75%. That is a huge savings. I can take all that money and safe it to replenish my savings, put some towards travel, and I know I will need a new vehicle soon, so can start saving for that.
I'm no stranger to moving, having never stayed in one place for more than 2 years since I was 17, so I know how hard and stressful moving is. I didn't realize, though, that my Grandmother's house was in such disrepair. It's old, but coupled with it being neglected, with people living in it that actually contributed to the degradation, it was in terrible shape. I know I was downgrading but I didn't want to move into the money pit. My mom and I have been working on fixing her up for almost a year now and we are not even close to finished. I finally ran out of time (I didn't want to move in until it was completed), but my lease is up at the end of this month and I had to move in. This is one of those few times in my life where I feel like I made the wrong decision.
Now that I'm moved in, with a few final repairs (like getting the leak fixed in the gargage so I can hook up the washer and dryer, it isn't too bad. The move is almost complete, and being finally somewhat settled has lifted a lot of stress from me.
B)Work. Unexpectedly, work has been the biggest contributor to my Burn Out. It's funny how one week you come home from work and reflect on how much you love your job and then 1 month later you hate it so much you are ready to quit. I was assigned (and still have it) to a project from hell. It just turned out to be one thing after another and after awhile it just all piled up to the point where I started going crazy. Since the project is winding down, things are finally getting back to normal, but it was touch and go there for a little bit. I was working 50-60 hour weeks.
C)New Personal Relationship. I was dating a guy who broke up with me and crushed me in a manner which, when a man does this to a woman, has just booked his personal spot in hell. I kid you not and , no, I don't want to get into anymore details. Needless to say, he did something very bad to me and will rot in hell for it. But, prior to that, during, and after, thoughts of a certain ex-boyfriend, kept popping into my head. This ex was someone who I loved dearly, was my first love. Yet another boyfriend who broke up with me. I think he just got scared, spooked, and broke up with me. The break up wasn't all that good but to this day I always think of him. He was my friend before my lover and I hated the fact that someone I cared about so much probably wouldn't give me a drop of water if I was dying of thirst in the dessert because of the way we parted. I didn't want to have such bad final memories of someone I cared for so deeply and even gave my virginity too. I had been thinking about reaching out to contact him for some time, and events finally triggered me to do so. At the time, I didn't even know if the email address I was about to use was even still active. But I figure, what the heck. We were friends before, and I wanted to be friends again.
The results of that one small decision and action were something that not even I, in my wildest imagination, would have predicted. Not only did I hear right back from him, but his response was shocking. He had been thinking about sending a similar email but didn't want to bring bad stuff back up(which I appreciated). And, he regretted his decision to break up with me(duh, I'm awesome - he gave up something very special), to the day felt he might had made the biggest mistake in his life(I said as much when he was breaking up with me years ago), and was glad and surprised to hear from me (wow, didn't see that coming).
I swear, when I sent that email, all I was hoping for was to reestablish a friendship. Getting back together was a ship that sailed a long time ago and I had made peace with. But, here I am, typing up this post from his kitchen table. >< Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that 4 years later, after he broke my heart, we would be back together (I hoped to hear from him and get back together for almost 2 years after the break up, but after 2 years, I realized it wasn't going to happen and finally moved on). It's a long distance relationship, so we are taking it slow and have a long way to go, but he swears he is in it for the long haul. And me? Well, I've never been in it for anything but the long haul with him. I don't know what our future holds, but I'm determined to just enjoy the journey.
Starting any new relationship comes with it's own form of stress. A long distance relationship adds another level. But, all that with a guy who has already broken your heart once - never quite being sure of his feelings and levels of commitment and devotion - well... add that to all the other stuff in my life and that makes for one truly stressed out person.
And that is why I have not been posting for so long. I've just been too busy and too stressed to think about it. But, I'm taking this week off and I visiting my boyfriend and so I have some free time. And things are getting a little better (finally). I have a lot to reflect upon - more on that later. One of the worst things about all the stress is that I have gained back a lot of the weight. I'd say, probably 30 to 50 pounds. I just didn't have the energy to exercise and food seemed to be one of the few comforting outlets around. I'm so upset by it (the weight gain), but plan to start buckling down to lose it again now that things are settling.
All in all, I'd say 2013 has been an year of the unexpected. It has been a fairly bad year. It has definitely not gone the way I hoped or planned. One of the biggest disappointments was my yearly horoscope prediction for this year not coming to fruition. Not that I truly put any stalk into horoscopes, but they are fun and mine for 2013 was pretty awesome. This was suppose to be a big year for change and romance for me. It promised wrecking down the old and rebuilding with the new where my life would never be the same. The second half of the year was suppose to hold a lot of goodness and romance where I wouldn't be lonely anymore. I was hoping for that "deep and unfathomable commitment for you" I was promised.
But, then again, who knows. Current things have the potential to completely change in my life (more next post) and maybe my boyfriend really is deeply and unfathomable committed to me and I just don't know it yet. Maybe my future holds love and marriage and a family of my own (the only things I ever really wanted for myself in life). That's the thing about the future, you just never know what surprises it holds for you.
A)Moving. I took a look at my finances and my prospect for a pay increase (almost zero) versus my current cost of living. I was a little sadden to see, despite having a good job, I needed to downgrade my quality of life. I live fairly cheaply. I don't spend a lot on a phone, I don't have cable, and I don't spend a lot of money on "toys" or eating out. My biggest expense is my apartment and I just couldn't afford to continue paying the amount I was with the increases in my taxes and health insurance with no pay raise to offset it. So, I decided I needed to move to a cheaper apartment when my lease was up this December. I spent a lot of time looking for apartments and if I wanted to stay somewhat in my current location, my options where pretty bad. Pretty much ghetto section 8 housing. Not that I minded too much, it was just a pretty big downgrade for me.
However, after talking to my parent's, they offered another solution. Moving into my Grandmother's house. My grandmother requires 24/7 care and so is living with my parents. She still has her house, which she doesn't want to get rid of yet. So, it seemed an ideal solution that I move in to maintain it and, in turn, I only had to pay the upkeep of the house - no rent. So my monthly cost will decrease about 75%. That is a huge savings. I can take all that money and safe it to replenish my savings, put some towards travel, and I know I will need a new vehicle soon, so can start saving for that.
I'm no stranger to moving, having never stayed in one place for more than 2 years since I was 17, so I know how hard and stressful moving is. I didn't realize, though, that my Grandmother's house was in such disrepair. It's old, but coupled with it being neglected, with people living in it that actually contributed to the degradation, it was in terrible shape. I know I was downgrading but I didn't want to move into the money pit. My mom and I have been working on fixing her up for almost a year now and we are not even close to finished. I finally ran out of time (I didn't want to move in until it was completed), but my lease is up at the end of this month and I had to move in. This is one of those few times in my life where I feel like I made the wrong decision.
Now that I'm moved in, with a few final repairs (like getting the leak fixed in the gargage so I can hook up the washer and dryer, it isn't too bad. The move is almost complete, and being finally somewhat settled has lifted a lot of stress from me.
B)Work. Unexpectedly, work has been the biggest contributor to my Burn Out. It's funny how one week you come home from work and reflect on how much you love your job and then 1 month later you hate it so much you are ready to quit. I was assigned (and still have it) to a project from hell. It just turned out to be one thing after another and after awhile it just all piled up to the point where I started going crazy. Since the project is winding down, things are finally getting back to normal, but it was touch and go there for a little bit. I was working 50-60 hour weeks.
C)New Personal Relationship. I was dating a guy who broke up with me and crushed me in a manner which, when a man does this to a woman, has just booked his personal spot in hell. I kid you not and , no, I don't want to get into anymore details. Needless to say, he did something very bad to me and will rot in hell for it. But, prior to that, during, and after, thoughts of a certain ex-boyfriend, kept popping into my head. This ex was someone who I loved dearly, was my first love. Yet another boyfriend who broke up with me. I think he just got scared, spooked, and broke up with me. The break up wasn't all that good but to this day I always think of him. He was my friend before my lover and I hated the fact that someone I cared about so much probably wouldn't give me a drop of water if I was dying of thirst in the dessert because of the way we parted. I didn't want to have such bad final memories of someone I cared for so deeply and even gave my virginity too. I had been thinking about reaching out to contact him for some time, and events finally triggered me to do so. At the time, I didn't even know if the email address I was about to use was even still active. But I figure, what the heck. We were friends before, and I wanted to be friends again.
The results of that one small decision and action were something that not even I, in my wildest imagination, would have predicted. Not only did I hear right back from him, but his response was shocking. He had been thinking about sending a similar email but didn't want to bring bad stuff back up(which I appreciated). And, he regretted his decision to break up with me(duh, I'm awesome - he gave up something very special), to the day felt he might had made the biggest mistake in his life(I said as much when he was breaking up with me years ago), and was glad and surprised to hear from me (wow, didn't see that coming).
I swear, when I sent that email, all I was hoping for was to reestablish a friendship. Getting back together was a ship that sailed a long time ago and I had made peace with. But, here I am, typing up this post from his kitchen table. >< Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that 4 years later, after he broke my heart, we would be back together (I hoped to hear from him and get back together for almost 2 years after the break up, but after 2 years, I realized it wasn't going to happen and finally moved on). It's a long distance relationship, so we are taking it slow and have a long way to go, but he swears he is in it for the long haul. And me? Well, I've never been in it for anything but the long haul with him. I don't know what our future holds, but I'm determined to just enjoy the journey.
Starting any new relationship comes with it's own form of stress. A long distance relationship adds another level. But, all that with a guy who has already broken your heart once - never quite being sure of his feelings and levels of commitment and devotion - well... add that to all the other stuff in my life and that makes for one truly stressed out person.
And that is why I have not been posting for so long. I've just been too busy and too stressed to think about it. But, I'm taking this week off and I visiting my boyfriend and so I have some free time. And things are getting a little better (finally). I have a lot to reflect upon - more on that later. One of the worst things about all the stress is that I have gained back a lot of the weight. I'd say, probably 30 to 50 pounds. I just didn't have the energy to exercise and food seemed to be one of the few comforting outlets around. I'm so upset by it (the weight gain), but plan to start buckling down to lose it again now that things are settling.
All in all, I'd say 2013 has been an year of the unexpected. It has been a fairly bad year. It has definitely not gone the way I hoped or planned. One of the biggest disappointments was my yearly horoscope prediction for this year not coming to fruition. Not that I truly put any stalk into horoscopes, but they are fun and mine for 2013 was pretty awesome. This was suppose to be a big year for change and romance for me. It promised wrecking down the old and rebuilding with the new where my life would never be the same. The second half of the year was suppose to hold a lot of goodness and romance where I wouldn't be lonely anymore. I was hoping for that "deep and unfathomable commitment for you" I was promised.
But, then again, who knows. Current things have the potential to completely change in my life (more next post) and maybe my boyfriend really is deeply and unfathomable committed to me and I just don't know it yet. Maybe my future holds love and marriage and a family of my own (the only things I ever really wanted for myself in life). That's the thing about the future, you just never know what surprises it holds for you.
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