Now I know where I Stand with my Boyfriend

I had a long late night conversation with my boyfriend. 

Let me say, I'm running on empty.  My love tank is empty and I'm not feeling the least loved by this man.  And, I had women's intuition that something was wrong.  I don't have this feeling a lot, but each time I have had it, shortly thereafter, something really bad happens.  So, I've learned to listen to it.

So, I said to him... If you are going to breakup with me, don't wait until I visit to do so.  Why do I feel this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach?  Which led to our discussion.

It was insightful and a good conversation to have. In the end, we learned where we both stood with each other.  I learned that his feelings for me have not change or grown in the 6 months we have been in a relationship.  And, I learned that those feelings are the equivalent of a very good friend (he cares about me a lot and likes me a lot - his words).  I learned that he doesn't want to rush into anything.  That he doesn't love me, and that he isn't ready to move forward.  But, he is ready to talk about moving forward.  Yes, I know, say what?  That doesn't make sense.  He isn't ready to move forward, AT ALL, yet he is ready to talk about it?!?

He learned that I love him and I'm to the point that I absolutely am ready to move forward.

It's not the first time I've been in a one side relationship, but it is the first time I've been in a one sided relationship were there was no ambiguity about the relationship being one sided.  It's kind of nice to know exactly where you stand with a person.

I think our conversation said it all.  When I visit, I'll tell him straightforward what I wanted and wished would have happened - because he wants me to.  I'll then tell him that I am sorry it isn't going to happen because he can't love me.  And then I'll say my goodbyes.

It seems a little cruel of him to  make me say out loud all my hopes and dreams which he knows he has no intention of fullfilling, doesn't it?
 

A Lot of Thought

I've been giving it a lot of thought  these past few days.  I finally couldn't take it anymore and I told my boyfriend that we had a problem.  That I was afraid he wouldn't be able to meet my needs in a relationship.  He says it isn't a problem and when I come to visit in February everything will be alright.

But, you see, the problem isn't how he feels about me.  The problem is how I feel he feels about me.   And I cannot spend the rest of this relationship, I can't spend the next 3 to 5 years, being unhappy and feeling unloved except for 2 weeks every 2 months.  That is not what I want and it doesn't make me happy.

For a few days things got better and my boyfriend gave me a sweet nothing here and there, but it has since disappeared.  My love tank is empty.  I don't even have fumes left.  I have decided that when I visit in February, I am going to call it quits.

I love him.  I love him with all my heart and I think he is a good man for me.  I want to tell him I love him.  I know now that I will always love him, no matter what. I want him to love me back.  I'm ready to move up there.  I want to get engaged.  I know this is the man I'd like to spend the rest of my life with.  But, unfortunately, we are long distance and I don't think he feels the same about me right  now.  Given time, I think he would, but we have been dating for 2 years now and I'm 34.  I don't have anymore time left to give to a relationship that currently isn't making me even a little bit happy.

Why would you stay in a relationship, even if it has promise, when none of your relationship needs are being met?